Just another polar bear adrift in the sea

That’s it! I’m pulling over the car June 12, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — sylvarih @ 7:43 pm

This morning in response to my statement that I have no sympathy for the Stanford Rapists mom and her statement that she now fears for her son’s safety a person I know said that he feels sorry for any parent who fears for their child’s safety. And I thought about whether or not my response was too harsh. Then the news about the nightclub shooting in Orlando came across my Facebook feed and things slid into perspective.

So I say “fuck her and people like her”. She should worry about her son’s safety. He is a safety risk to everyone who he comes into contact with. She thinks it’s unfair to lump him in with child molesters and pedophiles. Because somehow raping a grown woman is less serious than raping a child. As someone who was molested as a child and assaulted as an adult let me tell you there isn’t enough of a difference. So I say “fuck her and people like her”.

My son is gay. He and his husband lived in Orlando for many years. While they aren’t the clubbing type it still I pause and think about his safety. As I do all the time. He is at risk every day from hate like the hate which was behind the Orlando attack. Not because he is sick enough to attack a vulnerable human being like the Stanford rapist but because he chooses to love in a way some disagree with. So I say “fuck her and people like her”

My daughters only crime is being female in a society that treats us as property or less than our male counterparts. I worry about her safety every day because if, gods forbid, someone like the Stanford rapist choses to indulge in “20 minutes of action” she will be the one who suffers, who is humiliated by a system that still sees us as chattel, who will be forever changed by someone else’s violence. So I say “fuck her and people like her”

Those people in Orlando were killed for the unforgivable sin of being alive. The woman in Stanford was raped for the unforgivable sin of being in the path of a rapist. The people who preyed upon both do not deserve safety. They do not deserve to be in the company of good people. The mother who fears for a son she clearly thinks doesn’t deserve to be known as a danger to the people around him doesn’t deserve that comfort. Her son is a monster. He is the danger and other mothers need to know so they can keep their children safe. So I say “Fuck her and people like her”

To the people who think the gunman in Orlando did the right thing, to the people who are intolerant to the LGBTQ community, to those who think that cruel jokes, disrespect, anger, insults and hate speech to those of us who do not fit into the mainstream are ok because they are only words I say “fuck you and people like you”.

You are part of the problem and you should be ashamed.


Thou shall not pass June 11, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — sylvarih @ 6:34 pm

I’ve been sitting here for a while trying to figure out how to write what is in my mind down on paper in a way that makes it coherent and meaningful. As you can see..I’m not doing such a great job. So let me tell you a few stories instead.

I have a friend whose husband gets “handsy” when he has a few drinks. He will inappropriately touch the women around him. No one says anything because they don’t want to make a scene or hurt the wife.

I have a friend whose spiritual leader made inappropriate sexual comments to her. Because they held a position of power over their progress and spiritual well being she feared setting boundaries.

I have a friend whose boss put her in a position of choosing to share a room with a male co-worker or lose her job. When she refused the boss relented and got her her own room but slowly cut her hours back until she was forced to find something else.

I have a friend whose partner frequently made inappropriate sexual comments to and about other people. She kept silent because she felt she had to keep the relationship.

I have a friend whose partner assumed that because she is bisexual that she would willing sleep with a girl he found “for them” even though he never asked her beforehand.

I could go on but most women who read this understand the scenarios I laid out. We are asked every day to put up with, to compromise, to think about the other person’s feelings first and so on. We get this. One of the things that makes women seek out groups of other women is to get relief from these daily intrusion by the men around us. These sisterhood gatherings are our safe spaces. They should be.

This is why it’s so important to treat our sisters (and all women are our sisters no matter their background or biology) with love and respect. Lately I have seen women treating others poorly. We are each other’s safe space from the world, yet so often we are bogged down by jealousy, pettiness, possessiveness or a need to make others as miserable as ourselves.

I’m here to ask us to stop. Men intrude upon us every day.They push themselves into our space, take their desire out on our bodies and minds whether we want it or not, put their wants over ours. Even the nicest, most enlightened still have moments of stepping over the line. It doesn’t make them bad, just male. With all the bullshit coming from them let’s not add to it.

Let’s be sisters. Let’s stop treating each other horribly and stand together.


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