where do they all come from?
As it turns out… social media. At least that is the feeling I have been getting recently. Facebook, which seems to have seeped into every corner of our lives is slowly taking the social out of it and just leaving us with media. When was the last time someone on your feed said something meaningful? When was the last time you had a soul nourishing exchange on messenger or Reddit?
Recently I took a vacation of sorts from social media and as a by-product, being social. Turned out, if I didn’t reach out to people, almost none reached out to me. That isn’t a complaint mind you, just an observation. Over and over I hear about people feeling disconnected from one another and it makes me wonder if they are reaching out in a way that fills their soul or are they just reposting memes wondering where the ability to make friends has gone in their life. I’m not sure. To that end I have decided to bare my soul a little in an effort to contribute more than just “hey I like cats” to my feed.
So here are some things you may not know about me (this is a TMI WARNING!!!) Seriously, if you don’t want to know skip all this and wait for my next post cuz momma bear is going to rant a little.
I am Pagan. The Goddess and I have a thing going on and it’s beautiful. My path right now means more to me than so many other things in my life. It is taking up a lot of my free processing space which means I am not reaching out to people like I once was. Please understand and accept my apologies.
Pinky and I are polyamorous. This means we date/see other people with full knowledge. This does not mean we will just date anyone who comes nor does it mean I will date you just because. Stop asking. Seriously.
I have been the victim of abuse. My brother sexually abused me when I was a pre-teen, my grandmother was a shit show of a woman and I lived with her and as most women I have been the victim of sexual assault more than once. Some overt, men touching me unasked or commenting on my “fuckability” (my favorite was “do you spit or do you swallow ” my first day at my first job) and some not so much. Some not so much, constantly telling me how much they want to get in my pants or taking me to their favorite spot which happened to be a place I could not easily leave and getting sexual (on a first date no less) It doesn’t define who I am but it affects how I react to some things. Ok, that isn’t true. I am everything my grandmother wasn’t because she was so horribly abusive. Luckily for me she was also a bigot, racist and authoritarian.
I am kinky but that doesn’t mean I am going to be with you. Get over it.
As a child I had no friends until the 6th grade. Not.an.exaggeration. Because of the aforementioned abuse it was hard for me to reach out to people. Believe it or not I was an introverted kid. My friends, therefore, mean so very much to me. Always have. It takes a lot to get me to walk way from someone once my heart has committed to them so rest assured if I walked away it was because there were many, many blows to the friendship before the final one. It also means when I noticed people I love didn’t reach out to me as I went silent it fucked me up way more than I will ever admit to anyone in person. There were also people who did reach out and those people, honestly, saved a little bit of my sanity.
I honestly believe that love is more important than hate. That all human beings deserve to be treated as human beings and not as other or objects of hate. You cannot say you support human rights then talk shit about people you don’t know. That’s right.. I am looking at you. You support women’s rights but not trans women or conservative women. You believe in freedom of speech but not taking a knee. You cannot bring people up if you then turn around and bring someone down.
You cannot empower people if you turn around and criticize someone’s looks, religion (and yes… even Christians) or their choice in partners.
Now.. if you have made it to the end of this and are still reading. I’m taking some “me” time to work on a few things but will happily find time to talk to you either in person or *gasp* on the phone. Just bump me on messenger and let me know. This may come as a surprise to you but I miss your face and would love seeing you. Let me know if you want to see me. (for those at long distance, let’s work something out)
You are awesome and I love you.